rainy day

Right now I am enjoying a sight only possible in the age of modernity: watching rainfall from the top of a skyscraper. It’s so much different than on the ground.

Observation: The ways in which crazies seem to coalesce in large quantities defies the laws of physics: whereas magnets of similar polarities are supposed to repel one another, one can be a crazy magnet and a magnetic crazy simultaneously, attracting whilst being attracted, resulting in a viral escalation of silly people societies, seriously silly people societies, and full-fledged shenanigans.

correspondence no. 1

?: Hi, to be or not to be? I urgently need an answer…

!: to be? to not be? i am. you are. silly to ask a questions when the answer was revealed in the asking of the question. better question: if you are, who are you?

?: Haha, many thanks, that was genuinely profound indeed:)…Fortunately I absolutely have no idea who I am, so there’s still at least one mystery left. And what did you dream last Thursday by the way?

————————-

?: Ah, greetings from an extremely vague acquaintance of yours
!: yes hello
?: “no hello” would have been even more brilliant move:)
?: so how is your majesty? any recent triumphs and insights?
!: hmmm
!: there is a fine line between spiritual transcendence and chemical dependence
!: do i know you in the real world?
?: the relevant question, dear child of mine, is, do you know what real world is?:)
?: or even better – does the real world know you
!: no to both i suppose
!: but certainty is absurd
?: but you can share about your chemical dependences too if you really insist, don’t be shy
!: oh i wasn’t making the statement about myself
!: i’m nowhere close to either, i’m afraid
?: yes, that was the only right answer indeed
?: yes, but you are  a fresh mind,  a wandering spirits, etc, etc
!: how do you know
?: come on, it’s quite obvious that you are not completely hopeless case
!: i am an optimist
?: and you’ve read a couple of decent books besides…what more could one want?
?: being a hopeless case has nothing to do with optimism, I’m afraid…
!: books are everything
!: do you ask everybody to be or not to be?
?: everybody? please…I’m polling only the elite on the essense of existence
?: do you dare have any doubts about it?
!: nah you seem pretentious enough
?: our humble persona pretentious? but that would be the ultimate scandal, dear child of mine
!: everybody loves a good scandal
?: indeed. and that is precisely what makes love so delusional
?: so where did we stop with the history of your existence?
?: did we hear about your seven favorite early childhood  traumas?
!: they corresponded to the seven deadly sins
!: one time i puked at my own birthday party from eating too much cake
!: gluttony
!: hit my brother in the head with a fireplace poker
!: wrath
!: the rest are all repressed
!: very very deep
!: i wish i could remember so i could tell you
!: but the smart part of my brain won’t let me
?: sounds unbearably ritualistic
?: so  what’s the point of pretending to be two year younger than everyone?
!: well im not pretending
?: well, pretend that you are pretending for a while
? : put yourself in the shoes of a pretender…

?: you might turn into an academic type someday, watch out

!: its not the plan really

?: so there is a plan? that’s deplorable

!: i hope to be a journalist
?: haha, now that is truthfully obscene
!: such allegations!
?: but good, you never cease to surprise me…
!: deplorable, obscene….
?: well, these are most ethereal compliment of postmodern flavor, of course
?: I see, you want to become a mildly philosophising journalist
?: trying to remain moderately innocent while squeezed between the wheels of power
?: enticing the elusive  Good and relatively restrained at the same time
!: i at least have to try
!: maybe ill give up and retreat to the ivory tower
!: or become a dance gypsy nomad
!: everything is possible!
?: the last seems to be the most reasonable option
?: most suitable to you delicate sensitivities
!: its definitely what im best at
!: but now i have to go play with the monsters in dream land
?: have you tried drawing them? or drowning them?

i’d rather be over the sea than under the sea

they say that the meek shall inherit the earth, but i am impatient and besides, what did you ever get handed to you on a silver platter? no free lunch in this planetary cafeteria, this funky forest. 

the goal is to be fearless with a healthy dose of skepticism. skeptical with a healthy dose of optimism. optimistic with a healthy dose of perspective. and so on, and on, &c. &c.

when i turn myself inside out, i like to think that i’m a skeptic demanding that the world prove her wrong.

he said if you never leave, then you can never come back.

random textual mischief

There are few things more hilariously vulnerable than a baby-faced security guard wielding a neon half-eaten popsicle.

 

I wish I could dream in Electric Sheep

I count fractals to fall asleep.

truth vs. karma

i received a comment on my last post which inspired this post.

the commenter responded:

Karma is not about truth, and often can be adverse to it. It is mechanical, as you said, a prison. Nor is it contingent upon who we are, as we are all intrinsically good people. And yet people may spend lifetimes trapped in bad karmic loops. When one doesn’t feel good about themselves, or when they allow others to make them feel bad about themselves, they may allow bad karma to affect them. Eternal vigilance is the price of virtue. Leave karma to itself, or guard your own. How about a post on the nature of truth?

and i say:

karma has everything to do with truth. it is the ultimate truth. it is not contingent upon who we are in that it is completely out of our control. You cannot guard your own karma; it is impossible, and besides, it is not yours to guard.

people often mistake social behavior with karma, because social interaction has karma-like tendencies. bad things do happen to good people, but bad things tend to happen more frequently to bad people (or people who do bad things, for as you said we are all intrinsically good people.) People who do bad things alienate themselves from others due to the bad energy they bring into the world, which spirals into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, channelling that emotion by doing more bad things, and inciting bad reactions which perpetuate the negative emotion. Many potentially good people frustrate themselves when they are tangled in this spiral because they continue to commit actions that result in the opposite of their inherently good intentions. Only those with strong will and emotional fortitude have the ability to lift themselves above it. They know not to let the negativity they encounter (for there are many caught in bad energy loops) affect them, and channel it in positive ways.

truth is relative to scale. on a karmic level, it is objective. on a human level, it is more subjective and fluid. for more thoughts on the latter, you should check out my thesis blog, freereverie.org/neticulum. i’ve been posting a lot lately on the nature of collective knowledge, which is inexorably linked with human conceptions of truth. as for the former, it is one of the only truths we will ever know (and at the same time can never know). karma is fate, it is kismet, it is fortune, and we are bound to it regardless of our mortal activity. though to our limited human perception it may at times seem unfair or arbitrary, it is in the long run just and directed. in order to honor the ultimate truth of karma, we must be truthful in what we can control – our human interactions. human energy exchanges reward honesty, even when it comes at a price. sometimes the truth hurts. we would rather believe – and have others believe – false truths that suit us, rather than actual truths that expose our weaknesses and shortcomings. and sometimes we get away with promoting false truths to others, especially the gullible, the vulnerable, and the weak of mind. but we cannot fool the intelligent, the perceptive, and those who know secret things; they can see through the propaganda. these are the people who will help you grow and flourish, because they are not satiated by excuses or false justifications; they won’t put up with your bullshit. they are the kind of people we should be and surround ourselves with. it’s not always easy; especially those with regrets and demons have a tendency to want to believe in convenient realities so badly that they fool themselves into actually believing them. they need only realize that to stop deluding others and depriving themselves of honest, productive, and positive social interaction, they must stop deluding themselves. its painful to have your fantasy world crash down upon you in shambles, but it is the only way to break the loop and actually make something of yourself. ignorance is not bliss; it is hell. a hell that is tempting but lures people into spiritual apathy. truth is the ultimate weapon of human (both collective and individual) progress. we must not only cleanse the doors of perception, but turn them inward, for one who is opaque to themself can never be pure.

a mind exercise accompanied by words

Karma pays all debts in full immediately. No interest. There is no cheating and no taking more than you deserve. There is no easy way and there are no shortcuts. And there is no escape. There is no way out; that is the escape. Or is it? No, the escape is accepting and letting go. You can only play the game; you cannot win.

We miss this sometimes because the mind equates survival with winning and losing. It wants to construct a formula within the moment to allow the self to take more than it gives. The mind needs to feed, so it takes from the moment, trying to construct its own game separate from karma. It clouds our pure, unadulterated perception of the moment. It takes out feelings and gives us its demons. Anxiety. Insanity. Fear. Lack.

The mind is like a whining child. It doesn’t want to shut up. It wants to distract your attention and claim it for its own. It wants to prove that it deserves all the energy. it is selfish. The mind enslaves us by monopolizing our focus; it eclipses the soul, which we can then only understand through silhouette.

We are in a prison, karmically, as a species.

The mind is trying to be different. It needs to feel special. It needs meaning. Desperately. It seeks this meaning by demanding judgment, searching fruitlessly for an eternal “should-be.” It is endlessly constructing frameworks in which to situate itself, to understand and manipulate to persevere. But this quest for control is futile; our mind’s formulas are powerless to the forces of karma. Deep emotion, pure and unfiltered emotion, is put on hold so that the mind can figure out… figure out what? How to remember. How to remember to get back to the moment it is escaping. It is insanity. Nothing is gained. So what is lost? The moment. The same infinite moment. We do not feel it; instead, we study it and remember it, all so we can use that knowledge to make ourselves better. But what is better? The moment is infinite.

Consciousness does not end at you and begin at me. Those are lines drawn around our bodies. But they do not matter; the constellations do not dictate the movement of the stars. Consciousness is fluid. In order to float its depths we need the energy the mind is wasting by trying to differentiate itself. We must remember the similarities beneath our differences. We cannot deny self-recognition; we are unique. Identity is a dividing into parts, and is a reality of existence; but these parts do not need to be separate from each other. Boundaries exist, but they are as transient as lines drawn in the sand of a tide pool. They can collapse back easily; if they become solid, then they can block the flow. There are differences in the egos, in our personalities. But our deeper consciousness – it is one. We are all one. And we forget because we are afraid. Afraid to die? To die to the self is to be born as infinite.

But we feel so strongly that we need the lines. So we draw them, and play and organize and point to the past, recalling memories, trying to remember. We are trying to plan for the future, trying to learn, trying to construct something using our memories and our amassed knowledge. It is useful; it aids us in fulfilling our needs, ensuring that we can experience this moment and future moments. But it is a tool gone crazy. We can and should let it aid us in nourishing ourselves, but why do we let it take our souls? The framework of the world in which we operate is not always friendly. We must respond to lots of games created by lots of minds, which usually requires creating our own games. It is a charade that we have to follow – but only to an extent. The mind arises and it settles; it is up to us to remind it to be humble. We must learn to hush the whimpers of our needy mind. All is balance; the need is the unbalance. We need nothing; we are already there. We need to survive, or, at least, it is our nature to try to do so; but consciousness will keep going.

The goal is to bridge the gap between our own survival and consciousness, because at their core they are the same. Why do we do things to feel something instead of doing them with feeling? I don’t want to choose to leave this moment, because why would I leave the feeling to try to find it again? Silly humans, asking questions to answer them but the answer was already there before the question; it’s with the question. It need only be asked and it is done. 

addendum dadumdumdum

revision to “space is the place”:

the universe is not a cosmic pumpkin. it is a jack-o-lantern; it grins and it glows.

and we all come from the same sunshine hatchery

“We are just thinking apes, with a finch’s ability to sing.”

-seed

space is the place

While our world’s specificity and complexity increase exponentially, while global technologies flood the disciplines with new possibilities, while overcaffeinated producers and consumers frantically chase their own tails in a desperate attempt to catch up, inquiry into the deeper essence(s) of living beings is napping in the backseat. Descriptive theory has been conquered by empirical analysis, statisical research and scientific observation, and questions of essentialiasm have been deemed idealistic – and therefore useless – by a competitive world doctored by hyperutilitarian logic. Heed the need for speed, they say: there is no room for daydreamers here. 

I tread carefully upon the intellectual middle ground between essentialism and pragmatism; while attempts to provide universal explanations for phenomena strike me as haplessly constrained by context & incapable of accurately articulating an “objective” truth about an infinitely complex world, I can’t subscribe to a purely concrete, mathematical worldview. Empiricism is too narrow to yield truth. Scientific observation is but a snapshot depiction of a puzzle piece of the world, from a certain perspective at a certain point in time; the cleavages of puzzle are ever shifting, and when one puts it together it never looks the same twice. Scientific analysis cannot fully account for an ever-evolving world. Even the most well-researched subject adapts, evolves, changes as everything changes. Political science is an oxymoron: Politics is not a science, it is a social experiment, a process which has not reached its end, and there are no quantifiable results to measure. There aren’t even standard units. No theory yielded by statistical analysis can account for the inevitable variation, mutation of its subject material. A scientific argument is steadfast in its claim to authority, but lacks imagination; it is about as spontaneous as yesterday’s milk. Indeed, both universalist and empiricist frameworks – the two main historical methods of describing existence and rationalizing the living world – leave much to be desired. The former is too broad and subjective to be meaningful, and the latter, in true utilitarian style, is too specialized to shed light on exceptions and loftier questions. 

My dissatisfaction with these two methods of reason, which dominate my university coursework, was my ticket aboard a peculiar train of thought. I stumbled over thoughts of a more enlightening approach for descriptive thought, one which does not catalog the content of human life but rather explores the nature of human ideas of life itself, endowed with wonder and whimsicality. Deciding to steer clear of the epitome of academic old-white-man circlejerks otherwise known as metaphysics, I opted to inwardly meander down a genealogy of sorts; better to explore the winding snail trail of its changing meanings than jump to conclusions. Slow and steady wins the race. As Stephane Mallarme tells us, “to define is to kill. To suggest is to create.” 

Life, and life itself – that is, the (human) concept of life – is incredibly narrow. Obviously an individual’s perception of life is necesarily limited by their condition and experience, but that’s not quite what I’m getting at. I’m speaking of the human conception of what separates living beings from inorganic material. What makes a thing more alive than something else? Perhaps the ability to reproduce? Or the capability to adapt to one’s environment? The potential to engage in purposeful activity? Wikipedia that shit. Our favorite bastion of democratic information claims that life is a characteristic of organisms that exhibit the following phenomena: Homeostasis (the ability to internally regulate temperature), organization (being composed of cells), metabolism, growth, adaption, and response to stimuli (in any form or manner). But there are already some holes in this definiton. Consider, for example, worker ants and bees. They do not reproduce (for reproduction is the queen’s domain, a royal pain?) yet they are no less alive than their matriarch. Hybrid animals like mules and ligers cannot self-reproduce either, yet still they are real. 

This seven-sided definition of life is even more shortsighted when one ponders the possibilities of Extra-terrestrial Life. Though earth may be the only planet in the universe known to harbor life, it’s only logical that life, in some shape or form, exists elsewhere. We are but chance (or, depending on what you believe, not-so-accidental) combinations of specific molecules that endow us with the ability to perform the septagon of phenomena described above; it is statistically probable, even inevitable that such a chance combination appeared somewhere else. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Just look at the evolution of life on earth. Our complexity is the product of the lack of direction in evolutionary processes, of the accumulation of fortuitous accidents, rather than the product of design. We all came from similar compounds, bacterias, base materials, but through variation and a couple of misadventures along the way, living organisms have proliferated into a diverse buffet of biomass. Something for everyone (and friends for dinner!) 

Who’s to say that this happy little accident didn’t or couldn’t occur somewhere else? After all, certain theories (exogenesis, panspermia) hold that life originated elsewhere in the universe and was subsequently transferred to earth, via as meteorites, comets or cosmic dust. Imagine those galactical nomads, fresh off the boat, only to find themselves party to another voyage, this time around the sun. Welcome! Thank you for choosing Planet Earth! Please enjoy your flight – cocktails will be served shortly. 

Enthusiam for extraterrestrial life is not limited to astrobiologists and conspiracy theorists. The search for life beyond life on Earth has been the subject of countless scientific studies, novels, sketchy government projects, movies, and theories of varying persuasion. Contemporary author Tom Robbins believes that hallucinogenic mushrooms came from star systems far away, their spores durable enough to endure the long, strange trip through infinity-and beyond! Alternative historian Michael Tsarion claims that the history of the world stems from an alien visitation before the biblical Great Flood (as expounded upon in his dauntingly comprehensive 22-DVD, 60-hour masterpiece Oracles and Origins.) 

But were we ever to cross paths with an extraterrestrial life form (a true alien encounter!), how would we recognize it as a living being? The seven criteria of earthly living beings are not given a priori – they are retrospective descriptions of living beings based on observation of our existence. We cannot assume that they will automatically apply to beings created elsewhere and possibly under radically different conditions (chemical climates, pressures, etc. etc.) Though life as we know it is carbon based, it is not unreasonable to speculate that silicon-based or hydrogen-based life forms have the potential to exist. In all living beings code for instructions is embedded in DNA or RNA, yet there may be other genetic systems possible that we just don’t know about. The real Milky Way doens’t have its ingredients listed on the wrapper. The sheer vastness of the universe – and with it the matrix of possible combinations of elements and variables – leaves us with little guidance for our predictions, leaves us constantly guessing. It is probable that when we do encounter alien life it will possess characteristics different from, beyond the seven we currently acknowledge; we can only hope that our imaginations will be liberal enough to realize their significance, and that we will be able to appreciate the life inside the foreign forms. 

I am able to conceive of my own death, but I can’t imagine the world without myself. So too is the human race shackled by its own subjectivity, staring at the stars (how I wonder what you are…) yet completely unprepared to identify whatever it is that’s out there. Of course, the difficultly of imagining entirely new life forms isn’t entirely our fault; in fact, it illuminates the neurological limits of the human intellect. The brain’s memory bank, comprised of accumulated perceptions, is the basis of knowledge and any cognitive activity in which it’s employed. When the brain forms mental images – even when the images are spontaneously generated – it draws from bits and pieces of these preexisting perceptions. Seemingly-original images are but unrecognizable combinations of past visions. The imagination is simply a collage of the magazine clippings of memory, with volumes and volumes to draw from. The form may change, but the base content stays the same. Creativity, in the truest sense of the world, is an illusion. We cannot produce ideas that are not somehow rooted in our known reality. 

This would seem to suggest that the search for extraterrestrial life is a lost cause: alien life may not embody immediately recognizable characteristics of terrestrial life, yet our pithy brains can’t handle enough imagination to expand our definition of life. We can only hope that our potential visitors, acknowledging the infiniteness of human stupidity, meet us in the middle and give us a sign, some hint of their organic nature. It’s equally possible that such an encounter will never take place because of different atmospheric or climatic requirements for the cultivation of life; perhaps we cannot coexist with other life, at least not in the same place at the same time. If not our bodies, maybe our eyes, our brains can’t handle the blinding luminance of the knowledge of ethereal beings. Unraveling primal mysteries carries a dangerous stigma. Genius is associated with madness. Once you’ve seen the devil, you’ve seen the ultimate truth – and you are forever insane to the mortal world. Every mobster’s favorite death sentence: you know too much. 

But I digress. There is a reason behind asking all these questions, and the reason lies in the fact that there are no answers. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the failures of the Enlightenment, it’s that trying to come up with universal explanations for phenomena is a lost cause. Postmodernism’s emphasis on the reality of social complexity makes Hobbes’ and Locke’s attempts to essentialize human nature appear juvenile and desperate. We must scrutinize with equal rigor the endeavours of the scientific community to create an all-encompassing definition of life. Life is a many-splendoured thing, and it would be a crime to stifle it by squeezing it into a categorical box. Best let it run free and flourish, grow wings and take on dimensions of its own. Voltaire is right that doubt is an unpleasant condition. It is human instinct to systematize existence; it is our ability to do so that has brought us where we are. But certainty is absurd, and all of our “answers” beg dozens more questions. We must accept the unknown along with the known, for it is a necessary condition of human experience. We may never know what extraterrestrial life is, but that also means that we will never know what it is not. And it is the latter, that blank canvas, that begets wonder – the inspiration for knowledge. 

Carl Gustav Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, spent his entire life theorizing about synchronicity, the (limits of the) psyche, and archetypes. He broke with intellectual tradition by forgoing the tendency to rationalize his studies with self-justifications and contrived conclusions; he was humble enough to admit that all he knew is that there were things he didn’t know. And that is all we really need to know, he said: “Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.”

lexigenesis

One fine day in 1975 Benoit Mandelbrot awoke screaming. He was dreaming about the night sky. He had been jerked straight out of his sheets and in flannel pyjamas hurtled toward the moon, shirking it narrowly and flying onwards towards and through the planets, through the stars and towards new ones, on and on and on until eventually he reached the end of the universe. He was screaming because of what he found there.

After composing himself with coffee and cigarettes (breakfast of champions!) Benoit took it upon himself to ensure that the nightmare scenario of his nocturnal revelation would stay in its own reality, thankyouverymuch. He then did an extraordinary thing. He gave birth to a shape that made it physically, logically, mathematically, Kantfuckingly rationally impossible for the universe to end.

It was brilliantly simple. He extraed the most ordinary thing he could.

He soothed his mind by projecting this shape onto the dark night sky, thereby eternalizing it. Tossed the stars the Socerer’s Stone. Benoit preferred endlessness to the end. It was easier to stomach. Self-induced nausea. An existential bulemic.

He told them (who? the world, the press, his colleagues, his wife, the dog, the men in the white coats) all about his newborn shape, fresh outta the cerebral womb (with all due credit to the cosmic pumpkin). It was a rough, fragmented geometric shape that could be subdivided in parts, each of which was a reduced-size copy of the whole. So it didn’t matter how close or how far you were away from it – it always looked the same. Infinitely complex.

The question of whether or not this shape had any business being married to the stars was heavily scrutinized by the scientific community. It remains unresolved, as does Benoit’s neuroses.

Lately it has come to my attention (and maybe yours, too, if you’re lucky – read on!) that the fractal does not merely exist as a figment of a half-deluded cosmologist’s imagination or an unimaginably abstract figure on a supercrazy supercomputer. Quite the contrary; they’re all over the place, here there and everywhere. Mountain ranges, coastlines, and snowflakes all approximate fractals. So do clouds and lightning bolts. That makes thunderstorms steaming hot fractal orgies.

You’re asking why orgies? fractals? all this? Who taught you how to ask questions anyways?

You see, the kingdom of blogdom is a confusing place; the circular questioning that the deconstruction of modern society primarily entails, the plethora of egotistical ejaculations – results of the rhetorical self-flagellation made possible by modern technology (one hand on the keyboard and the other…), the topsy-turvy replacement of reading with misreading, the infinity of linguistic activity and its boundless flow of possible meanings are altogether enough to incline one to mutter, like Alice, “curiouser and curiouser.”

How to stain the looking glass? I aim to fashion my writing in the image of that Shape of All Shapes, the fractal. That is, with a fine structure at very small scales, an irregularity that cannot be described by traditional language, and, above all, beauty. After all, these are but words, words about shapes, and words are shapes, shapes about shapes, self-similar, meaning this… actually… is… a…. fractal…. ! !!? ?! put that in your pipe and smoke it.